Oh dear... its been a while

So I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to write another post, life got in the way. Definitely been busy with work, now that I work a full time schedule. Its crazy how when you're in school and your professors try to tell you what "the real world" is going to be like and you say yeah yeah yeah. But when you actually start doing what they said, you realize they were unfortunately right. I guess everyone deserves their "I told you so" moment. Lately I have been thinking about what I wanted my next post to be, but I just didn't have the chance to write it. I want to set the scene by saying I work with 99.9% females and 1 male, so needless to say everyday is an interesting day. I've found that women in general, not only the ones that I work with, love to talk about body image (whats on the outside.) Probably a month ago now, I was sitting in the break room eating my lunch with my fellow associates and had been tuning in and out of their whole conversation. As I started to tune back in all I heard was calorie counting, weighing oneself, and loosing weight. And for some reason, that particular shallow conversation struck a nerve with me. As women we are taught very young to never be happy with who we are. If you think about it, we are taught from day one to always do better. This probably started as, be a better person, but changed into always trying to look better. When I was young whenever I became "happy" with myself i knew I had to change. And to tell you the truth I wasn't happy with myself often. The bar was set so high I would get discouraged every time. But lately I've been thinking is it okay that I like who I am and that I don't want to continually stress myself out about loosing weight or having perfect skin or caring about my hair? Is it okay to like yourself? I say hell yes! After letting go sometime ago I just feel more at peace and a lot more easy going. Accepting me for me was the best thing I ever did. I would definitely recommend it. I know it sounds easier said than done, but when you're ready you will know. It's going to feel like you're going against everything you were ever taught, but thats because you are. But when you're at the edge of the cliff the only thing to do is jump. So what are you waiting for?

Warning: This post may contain a Boy Rant

So, I know its been a while and for anyone out there who actually reads my blog, I'm sorry. I keep thinking about things to write out but never log on to write a post. So here it goes: when I was in high school, I always wanted to be the girl who had a lot of guy friends. Whether through texting or just having guy friends to talk with, I just wanted to know that they were there. I was quite of a dork throughout high school and didn't really have any guy friends, mainly because I develop crush on guys rather quickly and then become scared of talking to them, but that is besides the point. So when I got to college and started making friends (girls and boys) it was new for me. I became that girl who was able to talk to guys with out "like liking" them. And for the most part I enjoy having guy friends, because they offer a perspective that I can't get from my girl friends. Currently in my life I have 2 really good guy friends. And frankly I don't think I want or need anymore. You may be thinking thats so crazy, no one can have too many friends guys or girls. But for me its always been easier for me to have a few close friends than a lot, because I just ended up ignoring some anyway.
But talking to guys also opens up this weird time where you don't know if that guy is going to end up being your friend or something more. And apparently it is not socially acceptable to just go ahead and ask, because you'll get either a lol what are you talking about response, or a more serious, no we are just friends. I went through that awkward stage with both my guy friends now and believe me when I say I don't want to go through that again. So this all connects to a guy that I have been talking to for quite some time. I basically told him a few months ago point blank is this going to become something more. I hate "pussy footing" (as my mom would say) around the point and just wanted to know. And he is a lol type of person so he gave me the lol you're a really good cool person and I really need to get to know you better lol. (yeah that really was one of the conversations I had with this guy.) Also he was the type of guy (like many) who would be like lets hangout, lets hangout and when I would say okay what did you have in mind, he would be like oh I don't know. Umm you're the one who asked me to hangout. Needless to say that guy really just wanted to be my friend...
Ahh okay I really need to stop about this certain guy, because if anyone is reading this you probably don't care but I really needed to get it off my chest. But one last thing. Is it so hard for a guy to ask a girl out anymore. I'm talking about a real ask out, not some lets hangout some time kind of ask out. I want a real, hey would you like to go out to dinner with me Saturday night and maybe see a movie after, type of ask out. Why does everything have to be soo casual. I clearly give the classic signs that I am interested. Like figure it out! I guess if I want something done I have to pull a Monica, which to me seems terrifying, but they are the man they're supposed to man up and do it!
Anyway, I warned you. I really needed to get that all out there, because its been bothering me all day. I want love, really. I just have to find a way to do it on my terms. I guess if that doesn't work out I can always get a lot of cats...