Oh dear... its been a while

So I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to write another post, life got in the way. Definitely been busy with work, now that I work a full time schedule. Its crazy how when you're in school and your professors try to tell you what "the real world" is going to be like and you say yeah yeah yeah. But when you actually start doing what they said, you realize they were unfortunately right. I guess everyone deserves their "I told you so" moment. Lately I have been thinking about what I wanted my next post to be, but I just didn't have the chance to write it. I want to set the scene by saying I work with 99.9% females and 1 male, so needless to say everyday is an interesting day. I've found that women in general, not only the ones that I work with, love to talk about body image (whats on the outside.) Probably a month ago now, I was sitting in the break room eating my lunch with my fellow associates and had been tuning in and out of their whole conversation. As I started to tune back in all I heard was calorie counting, weighing oneself, and loosing weight. And for some reason, that particular shallow conversation struck a nerve with me. As women we are taught very young to never be happy with who we are. If you think about it, we are taught from day one to always do better. This probably started as, be a better person, but changed into always trying to look better. When I was young whenever I became "happy" with myself i knew I had to change. And to tell you the truth I wasn't happy with myself often. The bar was set so high I would get discouraged every time. But lately I've been thinking is it okay that I like who I am and that I don't want to continually stress myself out about loosing weight or having perfect skin or caring about my hair? Is it okay to like yourself? I say hell yes! After letting go sometime ago I just feel more at peace and a lot more easy going. Accepting me for me was the best thing I ever did. I would definitely recommend it. I know it sounds easier said than done, but when you're ready you will know. It's going to feel like you're going against everything you were ever taught, but thats because you are. But when you're at the edge of the cliff the only thing to do is jump. So what are you waiting for?

Better late than never... right?

Hi! I realized today that I haven't posted in a while and that my last post was a bad note to end on. I currently started a new position at my job and it is more hours, which means less time to do things such as blog. The only thing that is basically always on my mind is sleep. I have just been concentrating on doing my job and riding the wave so to speak to see where I end up. Over these past few weeks I've really discovered that I need to stop being so hard on myself and that I am doing a good job and working hard. I tend to worry about things that in the end don't end up amounting to anything. But other than work, I have been quite boring. Going to D.C. this weekend! Excited for the nice weather. I hope all my readers are doing well. The one message that I want to leave to anyone who is reading this, is believe in yourself more. Its in you, you just got to let it out.

Warning: This post may contain a Boy Rant

So, I know its been a while and for anyone out there who actually reads my blog, I'm sorry. I keep thinking about things to write out but never log on to write a post. So here it goes: when I was in high school, I always wanted to be the girl who had a lot of guy friends. Whether through texting or just having guy friends to talk with, I just wanted to know that they were there. I was quite of a dork throughout high school and didn't really have any guy friends, mainly because I develop crush on guys rather quickly and then become scared of talking to them, but that is besides the point. So when I got to college and started making friends (girls and boys) it was new for me. I became that girl who was able to talk to guys with out "like liking" them. And for the most part I enjoy having guy friends, because they offer a perspective that I can't get from my girl friends. Currently in my life I have 2 really good guy friends. And frankly I don't think I want or need anymore. You may be thinking thats so crazy, no one can have too many friends guys or girls. But for me its always been easier for me to have a few close friends than a lot, because I just ended up ignoring some anyway.
But talking to guys also opens up this weird time where you don't know if that guy is going to end up being your friend or something more. And apparently it is not socially acceptable to just go ahead and ask, because you'll get either a lol what are you talking about response, or a more serious, no we are just friends. I went through that awkward stage with both my guy friends now and believe me when I say I don't want to go through that again. So this all connects to a guy that I have been talking to for quite some time. I basically told him a few months ago point blank is this going to become something more. I hate "pussy footing" (as my mom would say) around the point and just wanted to know. And he is a lol type of person so he gave me the lol you're a really good cool person and I really need to get to know you better lol. (yeah that really was one of the conversations I had with this guy.) Also he was the type of guy (like many) who would be like lets hangout, lets hangout and when I would say okay what did you have in mind, he would be like oh I don't know. Umm you're the one who asked me to hangout. Needless to say that guy really just wanted to be my friend...
Ahh okay I really need to stop about this certain guy, because if anyone is reading this you probably don't care but I really needed to get it off my chest. But one last thing. Is it so hard for a guy to ask a girl out anymore. I'm talking about a real ask out, not some lets hangout some time kind of ask out. I want a real, hey would you like to go out to dinner with me Saturday night and maybe see a movie after, type of ask out. Why does everything have to be soo casual. I clearly give the classic signs that I am interested. Like figure it out! I guess if I want something done I have to pull a Monica, which to me seems terrifying, but they are the man they're supposed to man up and do it!
Anyway, I warned you. I really needed to get that all out there, because its been bothering me all day. I want love, really. I just have to find a way to do it on my terms. I guess if that doesn't work out I can always get a lot of cats...

Just some last thoughts as St. Patricks Day comes to a close

Unlike many of my fellow Irish people, today I did not get drunk or do any sort of drinking what so ever. I'm probably more Irish than most people getting drunk today, but hey to each their own. This weekend definitely had its ups and downs. My car broke on Friday which is a total bummer, but I consider myself lucky that I wasn't driving on a major road when my breaks decided they wanted to break... So that was Friday. Saturday I worked, which wasn't too bad because for the first 2 hours I cut out flowers for our Fashion Show that we are having on Thursday. Then I had to close which is always exhausting. And then there is today Sunday, which has always been my least favorite day of the week. I'm not really sure why, maybe because of this underground expectation that you have to make the most of it because the next day is Monday and you're going to have to wait 5 more days until the weekend. But that expectation just leaves me disappointing and wanting Monday to come. Monday is actually my favorite day, which I know is strange, but I have always looked at Monday as a fresh start. Here is my chance to make this week better than last. And again their is expectations, but instead of just one day (Sunday) if Monday doesn't work out for you, there is still Tuesday-Friday to make up for it. Hopefully I've converted a few more people to liking Mondays as much as I do. So there we have it. That was my weekend. Nothing epic I know but I have tomorrow (Monday) to look forward to. Hopefully my car will be fixed so I can have some sort of freedom back.

I say goodnight to you now as I fall asleep to Oprah's Master Class: Tom Brokaw. I hope you were all safe this weekend and have fun recovering from your hangovers tomorrow.

As I say goodnight to the world

So I am currently in bed thinking (as I always am) and also totally stressed out. The stress in due to many things but lately its been family things on top of trying to figure out my life purpose. And finding my life purpose wouldn't stress me out as much if people would just stop asking me, "So what is next for you?" I guess it is inevitable that I was going to be asked that question, but it does not make it any easier to answer, because I don't know. This stress also always comes about when I apply for a job online. I put some much emphasis on it and hope that this will be my golden ticket moment. This is it, this will be the application, I am what they want in a employee, who is better than me? These are the things I tell myself, which makes receiving the rejection letter (Sorry thanks but no thanks) so much harder. I hype it up, the whole application process, just to be crushed when I don't get the job. And I know millions of Americans are in the same boat, but I haven't even gotten my chance yet. No one knows what I can and cannot do. I have so much to offer but no one wants to trust me (which I know is hard to come by these days.) The people who ask me "So what is next for you" don't realize the pressure that they put on me. Like geez give me a second to breath here I am really trying. Do people really believe I want to work a part time job that doesn't even require a college education for the rest of my like, honestly give me some credit. I have just spent 4 years and a s*** load of money to receive a 8.5x11 piece of paper that basically says she's got it, pick her, but no one is picking me. I thought getting pick last during gym class sucked. Nope, this sucks much worse.

Heres to being an underpaid college graduate and my first blog rant! I hope your day is better than mine.

Let me clear something up

Hi again! So I realized after I posted my first post, I should have explained why I chose "Fighting Fashionista" as my blog title. Well, as you know I am a recent college graduate of JWU where I studied Fashion Merchandising & Retail Marketing. I have always loved fashion and have always been drawn to it. Now just to get things straight I don't like it in the stereotypical I like to shop there for I majored in fashion. I love feeling shirts and guessing the textile make-up or flipping through the newspaper and naming the designer that the celebrity is wearing. I love the history, the forecasting, the language. So when I say I love fashion, you can believe me when I say I am not some shopper fashionista wanna be. Any who, I currently work part time at Anthropologie, a store that I've been obsessed with for a long time. I enjoy working there very much and get along with all of my fellow associates and managers. But I am still searching for a job that is more creative. I interned at my Anthro store last spring and it was a life changing experience. I was a display intern and worked closely with the visual team to create the in-store and window displays. Unlike most stores, Anthro stores create their display in house and everything is made basically by hand. It takes a lot of time and trial and error, but when the display is finished and in the store it makes the whole process worth it. So basically I am looking for a job where I feel that feeling again. Looking at something that I made and that I am proud of, something that at the end of the day I can go home and feel accomplished. I don't know if that is asking for too much, but that is what I am in search of. So my blog name is me the fashionista not giving up until I've found that job that gives me that feeling. And I won't give up.

Here it is

Hi all! So this is my attempt at creating an amazing blog that can hopefully help or resinate with others out there. I am a small town jersey girl and a recent college grad trying to figure out what life is all about. Like most people straight out of college I feel very lost, but I know I am not alone. I love fashion, coffee, cats, and of course my friends so those will most likely be the theme of my posts. I want to get something right out in the open before I begin: I am not perfect. I make mistakes, but from each mistake I learn something that makes me a better person. I'll try hard not to rant too much, but some times I just can't help it. This will be it for now, but there will be more to come I promise!